Rhymed sonnet

Paul Gellings, a Dutch poet, novelist and French specialist and literary translator was visiting. I had translated the following sonnet from his Amsterdam poems in an unrhymed version. He preferred a rhymed version. I am showing here the steps of the translation process. First you find the Dutch original poem.

DE NACHTWACHT
Glans en daglicht langzaamaan geoxideerd
tot avond met een ander, dieper perspectief
in de alkoven thuis had men elkander lief
en bij de hoeren werd het vlees geëerd

in gezelschap van het vroeg gestorven kind
in ons ontwaken wij nog steeds om twaalf uur
nu er op uit! het feest is slechts van korte duur!
gelukkig kent onze kapitein de route blind

men hoort de lansen op de Kloveniersburgwal
men ziet de vlammen op de toortsen trillen
en kijk, daar is de Dam, het Damrak al

dan verstrakken wij weer wanneer in de prille
zon de vensters hier opeens gaan zinderen
en wij alleen nog leven in het oog van kinderen

The first translation was without rhyme:
NIGHTWATCH

Luster and daylight slowly oxidize
into evening with a different, deeper perspective
in the alcoves at home one loved each other
and with the whores the flesh was celebrated

in the company of a prematurely dead child
in us we still wake up at twelve
now let's go! the party doesn't last!
luckily our captain knows the road blindfolded

one hears the lances on the Kolveniersbrugwal
one sees the flames tremble on the torches
and look, already there is the Dam, the Damrak

then we tighten up again when in the earliest
sun the windows here suddenly shimmer
and we only live in the eyes of children

In the next version Paul Gellings came up with some rhyme words. He showed me this way how far I could go in taking liberties with his original. He choose a few silly/strange rhymes to alleviate my uneasiness with the process.
His didactic translation of his NIGHTWATCH:

Luster and daylight slowly oxidize
into in evening with its deeper inner size
in the alcoves at home one procreated
and with the whores the flesh was celebrated

in the company of the prematurely dead child
in us we still wake up in the heat of the night
now let's go! the party will be short and wild
luckily the captain's road is always right

one hears the lances on the canal side
one sees the torches flames have fun
and look, already there is the Dam, the city's pride

then we tighten up again when in the morning sun
the darkness in the windows dies
and we only live in children's eyes

This lead to the following result after 1 AM, going yoo far away from the original and finding a way back. Fun process.

Nightwatch

Luster and daylight slowly oxidized
into an evening with a different deeper side
in alcoves we loved behind closed doors
while the flesh was celebrated with the whores

in the company of our child, too soon dead and past
we still wake up at twelve at night
now let's go! The feast wont last
luckily the captain's road is always right

listen to the lances singing over Shooter's wall
see the flames on torches where they run
now look there is the Dam, the Damrak, see it all

so we return to stillness in the budding sun
the windows now ablaze
alive only in our children's gaze

Sometimes we only need a bit of encouragement, a free rein and the trust of the author.